Writing Wrap-Up

Alexandra Bowers

April 29, 2012

Block 4

Dr. deGravelles

Writing Wrap-Up

Throughout my ninth grade year writing papers’ has been tough. The hardest story to write out of all the papers has definitely been the literary analysis, Just Lather, That’s all, but is it? My overall score was not my best, but it was not my worst either. Most of the comments that I received from this paper made sense. The one comment that I was confused about was the first comment of the paper. The reason why I do not understand is whenever I said that Captain Torres was the antagonist, I meant that he was depicted as the bad guy in the short story. The majority of the comments that I was given throughout this paper were about not developing the paragraphs enough. Also, some of the quotes I did not give enough information to support it.

            The second hardest paper that I wrote was the research paper, The Issue of Human Trafficking and Sexual Abuse in Thailand. One of the main problems that I had with this paper was where to put the commas when I was writing the citation. I would also have trouble when I should know where put a comma, semicolon, or just a period. This paper had many mechanics errors. Also, another thing that I had trouble with was organization. It was difficult because I had collected a stack of information, and I couldn’t put all that information in a logical order. The last problem I had was word choice. I have to admit that I am never good when it comes to word choice. Once I reread the paper I wondered if I made my paper too casual, even though this paper was casual. In the end I was proud of the grade I was given.

            The first paper that we wrote this year was called Reading Through the Years. This was the worst paper that I had written all year. The main errors that I made were fragments, comma splices, and missing commas. All in all my mechanics were a little rusty from just coming off of summer. I agree with all of the comments that I was given.

            The descriptive profile was the second essay that we wrote, and mine was called My Backyard. I did not have many problems throughout this paper, but the main problem is I did not elaborate on the details as much as you had wished. Also, another problem I had was I make things to wordy. For example I wrote “beautiful flower that is a yellow-orange color”. The last paper I am discussing in the WrAP essay. I admit that I was expecting 3’s and 3.5’s. The reason is I do not know how the music industry works. I felt that I could not contribute to what the prompt was asking, and I did not have enough information to support the paper. So I found this essay difficult not only that we had to complete it in two days, but also I always like having more information than necessary, but also this time I had less information that was needed.

            Throughout the ninth grade I think have improved my writing skills a ton. The feedback that I was given matches what I have learned over the year, because in the beginning I would have many fragments and comma splices, but now I have improved upon that. I have also worked on if I should put a comma here of have a semicolon. Throughout the year I have improved on voice, ideas, sentence fluency and conventions, but I am still having trouble with organization, and word choice. Next year I plan on working on my two weak spots and also I would like to improve on the parts where I have gotten stronger. First, whenever I start to write my papers I will ask my teacher if he or she could review it (if they are allowed to), and then work on making the weak spots in the paper better. Second, I will ask one of my peers to review my paper, and see if there are any mistakes that need to be fixed. Third, if I am still having trouble I will go and visit this teacher to ask what I am doing wrong and then I will correct the mistakes I have made. This year I wished I would have done this more often, even though I did do it, I wish I would have repeated these steps multiple times. I am satisfied with the work I have done, but next year I want and will improve on all of my weaknesses. 

Sissy's Common Errors List

Common Errors List:

1. Misspelling:

Incorrect—“In addition, the barber said, “’So it was going to be very difficult to explain that I had him right in my hands and let him go peacefully—alive and shaved’” (286).

Correct—“In addition, the barber’s said, “‘so it was going to be very difficult to explain that I had him right in my hands and let him go peacefully—alive and shaved’” (286).

2. Instead of a colon, a period was needed:

            Incorrect—“The barber’s moral decision is decided with the following statement: ‘but I don’t want to be a murderer. You came to me for a shave. And I perform my work honorably. I don’t want blood on my hands. Just lather, that’s all. You are an executioner and I am only a barber.’” (287).

            Correct—“ The barber’s moral decision is decided with the following statement. “’But I don’t want to be a murderer. You came to me for a shave. And I perform my work honorably. I don’t want blood on my hands. Just lather, that’s all. You are an executioner and I am only a barber.’” (287).

3. Fragment:

            Incorrect—“Meaning Captain Torres probably always thinks of the repercussions of killing someone before and after he kills people.”

            Correct—“Captain Torres gives thought to killing his enemies.”

4. Missing Period:

            Incorrect—“As Yursil said that “’agent rushed him through signing the contracts, at least the one of which was in English, which Yursil does not read’” (“Slaves put Squid on U.S. Dining Tables from South Pacific Catch”)

            Correct—“As Yursil said that “’agent rushed him through signing the contracts, at least the one of which was in English, which Yursil does not read.'” (“Slaves put Squid on U.S. Dining Tables from South Pacific Catch”)

5. Missing Quotes:

            Incorrect—“This was passed in April 8, 1864 by the senate, and it was adopted by 

December 6, 1865.”

            Correct—“This was passed in April 8, 1864 by the senate, and it was “adopted” by 

December 6, 1865.”

6. Missing Period

            Incorrect—“Thailand defines trafficking as ‘recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring, or receipt of person, by the means of the threat or use of force for the purpose of exploitation’”

            Correct—“Thailand defines trafficking as ‘recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring, or receipt of person, by the means of the threat or use of force for the purpose of exploitation.’”

Outside Reading

Saturday--100 minutes Pretty Little Secrets 
Sunday--50 minutes Pretty Little Secrets

Analyzation "Set Fire to the Rain"

Here are links to watch, and the lyrics to the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlsBObg-1BQ
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/adele/setfiretotherain.html


   The song that i decided to analyze was by: Adele, and called Set Fire to the Rain. The first technique that i noticed was personification. The line is
"I let it fall, my heart,
And as it fell you rose to claim it"
I think she is trying to tell us that her heart was was falling because he broke it, and he tried to pick her heart back up. That was the only personification that i saw in this song. Also this verse could fall into another category called image. 


   Another technique she used was image. Image was used a ton during this whole song one example is whenever she sings
"But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,"
This is a main part not only is it the chorus, but it helps paint a picture in your head. Whenever i hear this chorus some on all i can think about is a man and a woman standing in the rain while is fire is surrounding them, and she is also touching his face. These lines are very straight forward. 

Outside Reading

    This whole week i have been doing nothing but reading. The series that i finished this week was the series called the Summer I Turned Pretty. The series was fantastic. The writing was really good, and how she wrote each of of the books was amazing it was cool the technique she used for the timeline was she would jump back and forth from present and past, and then at the end of the book she would give you a little detail of what the future would hold. After you read that little segment of the future you just could not turn away from the series. 
   Another thing that i have been reading are the poems. It is interesting because i would never really consider reading poems and enjoying them. But, to my surprise i do enjoy reading the poems, and finding the techniques that the author is using to try and get his/her point across. I have to admit my favorite poem so far has been "Player Piano". The reason why i enjoyed it so much was because she used so many assonances and consonances. It was fun reading it aloud also, it was sort of a tongue twister!


Outside Reading:
Monday: 100 minutes
Tuesday: 110 minutes
Wednesday:150 minutes
Thursday: 30 minutes
Friday: 150 minutes
Saturday: 120 minutes
Total: 660 minutes